to change human history until it conforms to the norms of the Kingdom of God

What a difference a couple of days make. Suddenly I have no response when someone asks "What do you do?" or "Where do you work?" It is a different feeling today than yesterday. Not only is there the financial stuff that comes with joblessness but there is an ego shift in not having a job to help define me. I took a lot of pride in what I did - and with that pride, a lot of ego. In the first half of life, we work and build our "tower", especially men I think. We take genuine pride in our work, providing for our families, doing a good job. All of these things are necessary and I believe a mature step in our development. In the second half of life, at least for me, I find a definite need to let go of those things that have "defined" me and have fed my ego. I am grateful for the opportunity to go on this journey and know that many would like to be able to do the same thing. It just seems that the timing is right for me. I am not forgetting that is because of many of you (friends and family), that I am able to think about journeying like this at all!

In the movie (I have mentioned before and encouraged you NOT to rent) Fight Club, Tyler Durden's dialogue goes something like this:

"You are not your job. You are not the money in your bank account. You are not the car you drive. You are not how much money is in your wallet. You are not your @#$! khakis. "

"The things you own end up owning you. It's only after you've lost everything that you are free to do anything. " (Didn't St. Francis say this too!)

"This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time! "

So, again - don't rent the movie. It will offend you and make you wonder about me!! But some of the dialogue really hits home for me. The things I do, the things I own, define(d) me. It is my hope, as a by-product of this adventure, that I will be redefined, reborn in a way. If I can get to place, as much as one can, where I have to rely on God for my daily bread, for my safety, for my identity, I will be so grateful and, I believe, very happy. But, as we all know, there is pain with any birth or rebirth. There is no Resurrection without death, no room for the Spirit if there has not been a clearing of space in which the Spirit can reside. Everything is passing away, everything dies. "Even the sun dies" I rejoice in this opportunity and am happy to be a part of this ancient pattern and mystery. If the Trinity is "a dance" which I believe the Trinity is, then I want to enter that dance and be taken away in the flow of life and love that is available to us all.

A friend sent me this quote that was reprinted in Shane's book "The Irresistable Revolution" I like it a lot.

What is, therefore, our task today? Shall I answer: “Faith, hope and love”? That sounds beautiful. But I would say - courage. No, even that is not challenging enough to be the whole truth. Our task today is recklessness. For what we Christians lack is not psychology or literature…we lack a holy rage - the recklessness which comes from the knowledge of God and humanity. The ability to rage when justice lies prostrate on the streets, and when the lie rages across the face of the earth…a holy anger about the things that are wrong in the world. To rage against the ravaging of God’s earth, and the destruction of God’s world. To rage when little children must die of hunger when the tables of the rich are sagging with food. To rage at the senseless killing of so many, and against the madness of militaries. To rage at the lie that calls the threat of death and the strategy of destruction peace. To rage against complacency. To restlessly seek that recklessness that will challenge and seek to change human history until it conforms to the norms of the Kingdom of God.

Source: Danish pastor killed by the Gestapo in 1944, via The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne

Update

My departure date is set for September 4th. I fly to London (thanks Mark) and leave for Nairobi the following day via British Air. My return flights are set for March 5th - assuming all goes well. Nyumbani is agreeable and will send a car for me in September! I can't wait. My sons are coming soon to take some of the downstairs furniture and my daughter will take some of the upstairs stuff. That helps a lot. Still praying for sale of the condo.

I found a PDF file that explains a little more about activities in the Nyumbani Village in Kitui. If you get time - check out NYUMBANI VILLAGE. It is about 17 pages and has some newspaper articles attached.

I have been reading more. Fred gave me a book - Peace Pilgrim - which has been great for me. I am also getting through Ron Rolheiser's Holy Longing and have started trying to follow a more structured regiment of morning and evening prayer using The Glenstal Book of Benedictine Prayer (Thanks J!). All of these have been great for me and help fill in the absence of Cable TV!

Great Days

And so the days at work are winding down. I go in less frequently and don't stay as long. Quite frankly, there isn't that much to do. Any decisions to be made are now out of my hands. There is a sense of relief in that and these days have been nothing but stress free. I do feel a bit as though I am abandoning ship but I know that the place is in good hands and it is now left to others to carry on and move things forward. That gives me great hope and satisfaction.


Speaking of cutting ties - I cut the cable and have no more TV - at least no more TV which I can see clearly! Another expense I can't afford don't need. I have books given me as gifts or which I bought and haven't read. Now is the time. I went through things again, clothes, junk. It is amazing how I am getting freer to pitch things, that two months ago I decided to hold on to. Everything is whittling down to some plastic bins. The kids are all moving to new places and can take the furniture etc. The other stuff may go at a yard sale down the line or store some at mom's.


I also got my last shot. This one is the second in a series of three for Hepatitis A and B. That is about it. The only thing left would be to start taking pills for malaria a couple of weeks before I go. I am looking into new health insurance. I am old enough for AARP! I also need to looking into travelers insurance since AARP doesn't go international.



The school opened in Kitui and I wrote to Jeremy Hunt, a Member of Parliament in the UK. His foundation, Hotcourses, was instrumental in getting the school in Kitui operational. He wrote a kind email back and I look forward to meeting him on one of his many visits to Kitui and the new school. It amazes me how small the world is becoming. So many connections are able to be made world-wide. I remain grateful.

I am also still looking into a Blackberry - if I can afford it. This would enable me to email home. The only issue remains recharging. We shall see.

Carry Me On My Way

I wish you could meet Fred. As most of you know, I am an only child, spoiled rotten by beautiful parents who loved me well. Fred (and John) were the brothers I never had. John died too soon on Loveland Bike Trail, some years ago. So Fred and I are the only ones left of the "brothers". The picture to the left shows John, Fred and one of our Monk friends - taken so many years ago at Gethsemani.

Fred, of all, knows me, understands me and helped to get me where I am today. He and I used to talk about the Gospel, living a simple life for and with the poor, talked about living downtown, walking the streets and being Jesus for those we met and seeing Jesus in their faces. That was probably twenty-five years ago! We watched our children grow from infants to young adults. We traveled the country together, playing music, talking about God and our shared life in community. Many years ago, he and I went to Gethsemani. Late one night, while staying in Merton's Hermitage, we read out loud, Merton's poem for his brother - who died in the war.

For My Brother, Reported Missing in Action, 1943

Sweet brother, if I do not sleep

My eyes are flowers for your tomb;
And if I cannot eat my bread,
My fasts shall live like willows where you died.
If in the heat I find no water for my thirst,
My thirst shall turn to springs for you, poor traveler.
Where, in what desolate and smoky country,
Lies your poor body, lost and dead?
And in what landscape of disaster
Has your unhappy spirit lost its road?
Come, in my labor find a resting place
And in my sorrows lay your head,
Or rather take my life and blood
And buy yourself a better bed --
Or take my breath and take my death
And buy yourself a better rest.
When all the men of war are shot
And flags have fallen into dust,
Your cross and mine shall tell men still
Christ died on each, for both of us.
For in the wreckage of your April Christ lies slain,
And Christ weeps in the ruins of my spring;
The money of Whose tears shall fall
Into your weak and friendless hand,
And buy you back to your own land:
The silence of Whose tears shall fall
Like bells upon your alien tomb.
Hear them and come: they call you home.

Fred's own brother had died accidentally many years ago so you can understand the special meaning of this poem. We placed a copy of the poem with John at his funeral, along with selected items from Merton's Hermitage we had saved. I remember those times at Mertons Hermitage in Gethsemani, sipping Makers Mark from tin camping cups and we even heisted some "holy ground" to bring home from our visit.

So I tell you all this to let you know that Fred came over for dinner the other night - my good brother who taught me and walked with me. He brought with him the two tin cups for Makers Mark. He brought some "holy ground" from Merton's place which we placed on the St. Joseph statue in the yard - trying to sell the damn condo. He brought a James Taylor song and book. He remembered! His visit brings everything full circle in a way. I am convinced that my brother is not only a gift from God - he is the presence of God.

Things are falling into place. Those whom I loved in the past are coming together with those in my life now. I am left with only gratitude and humility.

Here is the James Taylor song Fred brought:

I forget what to ask for

There isn't anything I haven`t been given
How could I wish for anything more

As I am here living in heaven

This moment in the sun

To feel the wheel turning on

Carry me on my way

Carry me on my way

Carry me on my way

Carry me on my way

I worry about my actions

I think about the damage I do

I've seen the coming attractions

Armageddon and Waterloo

I tried to change my mind

I wasted precious time

Who knows where the time goes

Only everything is everything

Feels like I`m wearing my father`s clothes

Singing a song my brother would sing

I turned to hide my face

They`re gone without a trace

Primary School Opens in Kitui

I am investigating communication methods that could be used to contact the states from Kitui. There is apparently cell access but I am discovering that the service is costly (when purchased via a U.S. provider.) It is recommended that I get a cheap phone and prepay minutes once I am in Nairobi. I am also looking at the possibility of a Blackberry, although there is still a hefty fee. This would allow me to email and surf the net via cell phone - when I can get a charge. No electricity remains a new issue for me.

The opening of the Hotcourses Primary School was held at the Nyumbani Village, Kitui, on Monday May 7th 2007. Primary School was held at the Nyumbani Village, Kitui, on Monday May 7th 2007. The chaplain and community members gave the school their blessing, whilst 51 children assembled in their classes from Standard 1 to 4. Not wanting to be left out, the 3 1/2 year olds presented themselves for school too so an impromptu nursery class was created on the spot! The school was built from bricks made by the community members and it will be run by the 5 teachers employed so far. The school is expected to grow rapidly as the village takes in more children daily. I was able to visit the buildings in March - mere shells - so they have come a long way!

A link to Hotcourses Foundation and more information regarding the school and its funding can be found here. Or look at LATEST NEWS at http://www.hotcoursesfoundation.org/

A Couple of Articles

Article - Kenya: Stepping into the shoes of Fr. D'Agostino

Nyumbani Spring Newsletter

Most Recent Post Article

Most Recent Enquirer

God Alone

The time at the Abbey of Gethsemani could not have been better. Chris and I took off for Bardstown early Sunday morning. We had a couple hours to talk and laugh and listen to some music, etc. Chris is an easy traveling companion. The plan was to get to the Monastery for mass and prayers, hang out and spend the night in Bardstown, since the guesthouse was filled until September. Gethsemani has always been an oasis for me. I went there as a young man and was even fortunate to spend a couple nights in Merton's Hermitage. On a couple of visits with buddies, we cleaned out the Rock House (shed) across the street and camped out there. I was so much younger then! So Chris and I arrived and after prayers, we put our names in with the guest master, just in case there was a cancellation. We talked to Brother Renee, a monk at the desk, about the best way to get to the Statues. After some incorrect instructions, we made the long haul through the grounds to the woods where there were the statues of the sleeping apostles and Jesus' agony in the garden. We stayed and talked and headed back for the next round of chanting.

We drove back to Bardstown to the motel, ate dinner, rested and then drove back to the monastery for Compline. The Guest master, Brother Christian (really, that's his name!) from Boston, told us we could have rooms but we declined for the night, since we were already checked in at the motel. We would have a place to stay the following night. We are so fortunate!

Throughout the visit, which (because it is unstructured) can be long and even boring, we found time to talk with other retreatants and monks, like Brother Camillas, a monk who entered a year before Merton. He told Merton stories and was quite honest about monastic life. He was in his eighties, hard of hearing and humble. Monday night we were able to sit outside, watch the lightning and talk about life and God. We also had time to visit the church, dark and silent late at night. The night is always holy for me. I slept well, got up for 3:15a.m. Vigils. The next day we hiked up a nearby hill, which gave us a good vantage point to see all around the grounds and nearby farms. Again, we had time to read and write.

I guess I can summarize these blessed days with a Thomas Merton quote:

"Therefore there is only one problem on which all my existence, my peace and my happiness depend: to discover myself in discovering God. If I find Him, I will find myself and if I find my true self I will find Him.

But although this looks simple, it is in reality immensely difficult. In fact, if I am left to myself it will be utterly impossible. For although I can know something of God's existence and nature by my own reason, there is no human and rational way in which I can arrive at that contact, that possession of Him, which will be the discovery of Who He really is and of Who I am in Him. That is something that no man can ever do alone. Nor can all the men and all the created things in the universe help him in this work.

The only One Who can teach me to find God is God, Himself, Alone. "