God Alone

The time at the Abbey of Gethsemani could not have been better. Chris and I took off for Bardstown early Sunday morning. We had a couple hours to talk and laugh and listen to some music, etc. Chris is an easy traveling companion. The plan was to get to the Monastery for mass and prayers, hang out and spend the night in Bardstown, since the guesthouse was filled until September. Gethsemani has always been an oasis for me. I went there as a young man and was even fortunate to spend a couple nights in Merton's Hermitage. On a couple of visits with buddies, we cleaned out the Rock House (shed) across the street and camped out there. I was so much younger then! So Chris and I arrived and after prayers, we put our names in with the guest master, just in case there was a cancellation. We talked to Brother Renee, a monk at the desk, about the best way to get to the Statues. After some incorrect instructions, we made the long haul through the grounds to the woods where there were the statues of the sleeping apostles and Jesus' agony in the garden. We stayed and talked and headed back for the next round of chanting.

We drove back to Bardstown to the motel, ate dinner, rested and then drove back to the monastery for Compline. The Guest master, Brother Christian (really, that's his name!) from Boston, told us we could have rooms but we declined for the night, since we were already checked in at the motel. We would have a place to stay the following night. We are so fortunate!

Throughout the visit, which (because it is unstructured) can be long and even boring, we found time to talk with other retreatants and monks, like Brother Camillas, a monk who entered a year before Merton. He told Merton stories and was quite honest about monastic life. He was in his eighties, hard of hearing and humble. Monday night we were able to sit outside, watch the lightning and talk about life and God. We also had time to visit the church, dark and silent late at night. The night is always holy for me. I slept well, got up for 3:15a.m. Vigils. The next day we hiked up a nearby hill, which gave us a good vantage point to see all around the grounds and nearby farms. Again, we had time to read and write.

I guess I can summarize these blessed days with a Thomas Merton quote:

"Therefore there is only one problem on which all my existence, my peace and my happiness depend: to discover myself in discovering God. If I find Him, I will find myself and if I find my true self I will find Him.

But although this looks simple, it is in reality immensely difficult. In fact, if I am left to myself it will be utterly impossible. For although I can know something of God's existence and nature by my own reason, there is no human and rational way in which I can arrive at that contact, that possession of Him, which will be the discovery of Who He really is and of Who I am in Him. That is something that no man can ever do alone. Nor can all the men and all the created things in the universe help him in this work.

The only One Who can teach me to find God is God, Himself, Alone. "