Nairobi and Kibera

The experience of Kibera can never be forgotten or placed into words. It will take the rest of my life to sort out the feelings and emotions connected with my experience of Kibera Slums outside of Nairobi. I future entries I hope to share some of my reactions but know that I am left with sadness but gratitude for the experience. Hoping to share some pictures soon.

Mind the Gap

I made it to London in style. I have some time to hang out before my 8:00 pm flight to Nairobi. I can't explain how excited I am about this trip. Things are going swimmingly and everyone has been very supportive and understanding. I am hanging in a little internet cafe after watching the Changing of the Guard. It is the first time I actually hung around for it. Nice military band although a little weird - they played a Whitney Houston song . . . One Moment in Time. "Not that British" I would say.

Thanks to everyone who is praying for me. I have found the time to pray as well. God is good and so close. Tonight - under African skies, Chris!

Cheers.

It's a leap of faith, til we find our place, on the path unwinding . . .

On the 27th anniversary of Archbishop Romero's assasination.

Prayer of Oscar Romero :

"It helps, now and then, to step back and take a long view. The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts, it is even beyond our vision. We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of the magnificent enterprise that is God’s work. Nothing we do is complete, which is a way of saying that the Kingdom always lies beyond us. No statement says all that could be said. No prayer fully expresses our faith. No confession brings perfection. No pastoral visit brings wholeness. No program accomplishes the Church’s mission. No set of goals and objectives includes everything. "

"This is what we are about. We plant the seeds that one day will grow. We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise. We lay foundations that will need further development. We provide yeast that produces far beyond our capabilities. We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something, and to do it very well. It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord’s grace to enter and do the rest. We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker. We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs. We are prophets of a future not our own."

And so I am set. I fly out tomorrow - finally. Following what many would agree was a full week, I am going to attempt to leave things behind for ten days and pray that God continues to lead me to the right places in Kenya. I wish I could share with you all the beautiful notes, calls and emails I received from friends, parents, colleagues. They are the reason I am able to even think about following this call. What a gift. My own kids are doing well, a little hesitant about me traveling across the world, but supportive and understanding all the same. I told someone recently that I can't recall how I got here! I mean I can read back through the blog and see my journey but still find it difficult to believe that I have researched, planned, got shots, resigned my job, got the condo for sale, etc . . . .everything that lead me to this day. It is somewhat dream-like. I am expecting a big dose of reality once I hit Nairobi.

God is near, faithful and my companion on this journey. I can not be more filled with gratitude and joy.

I hope I can update the blog somewhere along the trip, or at least email some folks. We shall see.

The first rule of fight club . . .

"While he was still a long way off, his father caught sight of him, and was filled with compassion. He ran to his son, embraced him and kissed him."

The story of the prodigal son has many lessons in it for me but I am impressed that the story isn't big on following the rules. The "wild son" who made all the wrong turns was welcomed, embraced, kissed by the Father. I could probably say "I have tried to follow all the rules, done all the right things." But yet God seems to be at least as concerned and maybe more concerned with humility, conversion, coming home. That gives me great hope and expands the journey of life to more than "following the rules". I am not against rules. They are necessary and to be respected but I think they may be only the beginning or may be immature faith at that. They are important in the first half of life, just as rules are important for the safety of little children so they don't get hurt. Rules can be black and white and give me the illusion that I am living the Gospel because I can check them off on my righteousness scorecard. In fact, I think it is actually easier to just follow the rules than to live the Gospel and give ones' life away to others. Rules make it easier as a measuring stick to judge everyone else as to whether they are "in" or "out" depending on whether or not they follow the rules. Clearly, Jesus is less concerned with the rules and more concerned with the love one has for the other and for His Father. He is about conversion, about "dining with sinners."

“This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.”

Jesus always turns things around, upside down. That's what I love about Jesus!

I got together with Chris after mass today. We can talk for hours about life and stuff. What a great friend who has been listening to me ramble about my big decisions since summer! For that I am grateful. I have been trying to think about when I first had the rumblings to make a job and lifestyle change. I think it might have began sometime when Chris and I were in Europe. There was a crack in my thinking and some Light got in. Chris and I talked about life and church and God in some of the holiest and most beautiful places on earth. I believe it all began for me during those times . . . which I won't soon forget.

M stands for melancholy

My emotions continue to be at the surface. So close to tears a lot of times. It's not a bad thing and I have always been emotional. I could often feel myself tearing up when I would speak to the faculty about meaningful things or how I felt about them. Still when I think of leaving this band of saints, I get emotional. I get the same way when I think about the kids and the many good parents and friends I have made through school over the seven years. It lets me know that love runs deep and I am actually pleased at having the strong emotional feelings. Love is real. Morning rides in the car are my most vulnerable times. I am tired anyway and I probably over-think, over-dramatize things at that early hour. Melancholy is my middle name.

I can't seem to shake the warning I received early on in my discernment. "Stay away from anything heroic. It is always ego." Damn it! I keep coming back to that and am haunted by trying to separate doing what I feel called to do and what can obviously be called "ego". As a young man, and probably still now, I gained energy from creating something, or building something. A program, a process, a faculty, an award, a speech, a performance.........all these things have the possibility (especially for me) of reflecting my ego out-of-control. It may also be a "guy thing" wanting to build "my tower". I am told that that is what we often do in the first half of life - "build the tower". Guys have to do it. We long for success, to move up the ladder, strut our stuff. As an older man, I hope I am beginning to not need to build the tower and in fact plan on "jumping off that tower" hoping that God will catch me. But . . . . I see a lot of ego involved - even now. Some friends jokingly refer to me as "Fr. Teresa" and I have yet to even leave Burlington. Actually, that helps me laugh at myself and not take things too seriously. God knows me better than I know myself and will have to decipher my motives when I can't.

White smoke

Eleven days and counting until I fly out of CVG to London. There is so much left to do and only a couple of weekends to get things together. I was given a list of things to take with me to Nairobi by St. E Business Clinic - things like mosquito netting, a prescription for Cipro that I need to get filled in case of any infection or sickness, insect repellent, and basic over the counter meds like Tylenol or Pepto. The rest is mainly clothes and paper work. I can't tell you how excited I am to be going and check things out. I am feeling more at peace now that my successor has been named at work. The place will be in great hands and I couldn't be more confident in the choice.

There is a bit of distancing, on my part, going on at work. Some of the problems I encounter are seen as short term and any bigger issues for next year have to be left to the decisions of others. I have to let go. Funny, letting go has become a theme and it has worked out amazingly. Things have fallen into place. That is why I am so convinced that I am on the right path . . .if one can ever be sure. I rely on Merton's prayer"

"But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it."

Lent has been a time of letting go and letting God - allowing. A friend asked about my prayer to find a brother or someone to accompany me on this journey . . . . . nada . . . . and God continues to be my companion and guide. It's ok. I am convinced that fear is not from God and walking alone is never really walking alone. God's presence in all this has continued to be the greatest gift. That, along with the kindness of my friends and co-workers (which is actually God's presence too!)

Pin cushion

I had a great week at work. Great people and lots of energy. Someone from the parish, not a parent, stopped me to let me know they wanted to financially support me . . . just let her know where I am going to work. It is amazing sometimes, the generosity of people. I also got shots for Hepatitis A and B, Tetanus, Polio and Typhoid. I get a Yellow Fever shot on Monday, since that has the biggest possibility of some reaction. I wanted to make sure that I got all the shots I would need in case I get the opportunity of going to Kibera slums. I don't want to have to decline because I didn't have all the necessary shots.

I spent time with mom this weekend. She is doing well and excited to tell people about my journey. She is also relieved that, if I am able to go to Nyumbani, it will be for series of shorter time periods, not three years! We looked at some pictures and video clips online using my laptop at Panera! The garage is almost cleaned out so I will feel better about contacting a realtor to get the condo sold. More soon . . . .

Franciscans International in Geneva emailed me with phone numbers of a contact in Johannesburg South Africa. This is the place I was originally considering but lost touch and discovered Nyumbani in Nairobi.

I am grateful for some quiet prayer time at school each morning. I long for some time to sit, be, allow. It's great!

The poor of heart . . .

I am headed for a consultation at St. E. Travel Clinic and get my shots on Tuesday. I am not sure exactly what shots I am in for but the more I read and investigate, maybe being overly cautious is not a bad idea. I fly out of CVG to Nairobi on the 26th of March and not quite sure when I am returning. I may spend a day or two in London on my return. I love London and find it hard to just pass through the airport without stopping to say "hi".

I watched some video clips of the slums of Kibera in Nairobi. There are 1 million people living in this 2 square mile slum, not recognized by the government. No running water, sewage or garbage services. There are no paved roads. 1 out of every 4 people in Kibera is HIV positive. Thousands and thousands of orphaned children pics. Nyumbani orphanage, my destination is 15 minutes from Kibera slums. I would like to visit Kibera during my time at Nyumbani and Nairobi. Here is a Kibera link with video, pics and info.

The liturgy today spoke to me of vision - being able to see God. The Gospel reading was the Transfiguation - but more than a work of magic, or smoke and mirrors, I think it was, like everything else I am learning, a matter of "being able to see". My journey finds me longing to see the face of Jesus, the face of God, in everything but especially in the faces of the poor and suffering. I believe that is where God would be found. I am told "Blessed are the poor of heart, for they shall see God." I want that . . . and hopefully I am willing to give up everything to "see" Him.