"Ed, I am missing you many times."

Had a good day in Nairobi. John is feeling better with his food poisoning. We wonder if it might not be from some honey John ate. He was commenting that it had three bees processed in the jar, along with the honey. Not sure . . . We worked on some emails and then took off for downtown. I wanted to buy a couple of items for Benerd, who should be leaving for boarding school soon. John was after a refund from the Mombassa to Nairobi bus people. A bus trip he was scheduled for was canceled due to violence after Christmas and they promised him a refund. They were true to the promise today. We had some lunch, walked the city streets and came home for a nap. We went out for chicken and chips at a local haunt and now are finishing up emails etc. and off to bed. Tomorrow we should headback to the Village. George comes into Nairobi for a meeting and we can travel safely back with him to Kitui.

All in all it seems as though the violence has calmed in many areas of the city. Kibera Slum remains tense. We went with Sister Little to the Fairgrounds adjacent Kibera today. This is the location many slum dwellers have run to after being displaced by violence. They were of the "wrong tribe" and got burned out or threatened. The Kibera program, Lea Toto,run by Nyumbani has had to suspend working in some areas. Some of the drivers are "the wrong tribe" and could be killed entering Kibera. Sister allowed us to go to the Fairgrounds but not to the slums. We also saw large buses of refugees from Sudan being sent back home after being run out of their homes. Sister dropped us off on a main road and she and the driver headed into the Kibera Slum to load up food and medication (ARVs) to take to the Fairgrounds. We spoke with her later in the day and know she arrived home safely. Many of the "businesses" and kiosks were burned and "homes" destroyed. I was grateful to be able to be with some of the displaced people and see them before some heavy rains and cold weather moved in.I can't imagine living out in the elements on a night like tonight, especially with young children and infants.

Also displaced are the parents of a good friend on staff at Nyumbani. They received a letter threatening their lives if they did not move out in 4 days. To reinforce the threat, a kiosk was burned in front of their house on day three. They took everything they could carry and moved to an aunts house. I can't imagine.

There was violence in Kisii. Another staff member lost a good friend in the fighting there earlier in the week. The death was a gruesome one.

So . . .as I said, the violence in many areas seems to be subsiding, but remains in pockets around here and in the western province. Kitui and the Village go on unaffected by the fighting. No one really knows what is going on in the outside world. Amazingly, our young student from the Village,John (20 years) called us today from the Village. "I am missing you many times." John left for secondary school but returned late in the night on Tuesday because of a strike. He is afraid he will miss us if we don't return to the village this weekend. "I wish you sweet nightmares" he tells us. Ya gotta love that.

John, dressed for boarding school. He left and returned after a strike was called.

BACK in NRB

I was laughing at John for having malaria a couple weeks ago. His symptoms returned and we got worried. We got a truck and transport to Nairobi for some tests at Nairobi hospital. The hospital was fine but it just took a long tome. WE got back to Karen to spend the night very late. John has food poisoning and not the return of malaria or worse. He is better. Me too. Hope to write more soon.May return to Village on Friday or Saturday.

Last post for a while

This may be the last post for a while. I am hoping to return to the Village today, at around 1:30 we (Mwololo -a staff member) leave by public means - a matatu. It means getting a matatu to downtown from Karen and then walking to the "station" and finding a direct matatu to Kitui. Then, after about three gruelling hours, it is a beautiful 30 minute ride by motorbike up to the Village on a dirt road. I need to return by dark to see John, a close -to-twenty-year-old high school student. He leaves for boarding school and I must tell him goodbye. I wont see him again,once he leaves for school. He is an amazing young man who has taught me so much. I bought him a little Bible in English to take to school with him. He opened it immediately to his favorite passages and read to me in his broken English. He asked that I find my favorite verses, some that will give him encouragement.

The city was calm last night, I think, although George's father reported ten killed by arrows in Kissi. I thought things were quieting down, but in some locations - nope.

I am looking forward to the Village. John L, the young volunteer from Cleveland called me last night to tell me that one of the day-workers died of malaria. The worker's brother (we call him Happy John) told John L, the volunteer, that he has not been well and finally got to the hospital in Kitui - but too late. He will be buried sometime this week. It is difficult to understand - remembering that John L, the volunteer, had malaria last week too, got the five shots and meds and is fine. The day worker did not make it. Happy John continues to smile when he talks about his brother and his short life. "We all will die." YUP. John L. is going over to the family home today and spend time with the family. I need to get back to the Village.

I can probably still make mass here at the Childrens Home before going downtown for a ride. The readings, especially during Lent, are most meaningful to me - so I look forward to hearing them today - hoping too that they might be in English! I had the time to read some of my journal/blog from last year at Lent. I have come a long way from the discernment I was going through to come here - or somewhere. In reading today, came across a quote that I like a lot:

"I hope you’ve met at least one Kingdom person in your life. They are surrendered people. You sense that life is OK at their core. They have given control to Another and are at peace. A Kingdom person lives for what matters, for life in its deepest sense. There’s a kind of gentle absolutism about their life-style, a kind of calm freedom. Kingdom people feel like grounded yet spacious people. Whatever they are after, they already seem to be enjoying it - and seeing it in unlikely places. Kingdom people make you want to be like them…. Kingdom people are anchored by their awareness of God’s love deep within."

So that is what I am aiming to be - and try to get in touch with this Lent. I want to be surrounded by those kind of people - Kingdom people. I have no desire to waste a minute of my life on things that do not further the coming of that Kingdom. It is ALL and EVERYTHING.

Got to meet up with George and Mercy (two Village people)in Nairobi yesterday for a Tuskers and some lunch. George is one of the Kingdom people. (Read the kingdom quote above again - that's George) George eating his "Birthday Chapati"

You can't look at George without smiling. He is for real. He says statements in broken English like "O my goodness, you know Ed," (immitating a radio station's ALL DIVA WEEKEND ANNOUNCEMENT) "it is all about divas, and Mariah Carey, and Jesus. Ed, it is all about Jesus and Celine Dion, and Boys 2 Men." I have come to love George as a brother and am introduced by him as "This is my very best friend, Ed." George also has had so much pain recently. His aunt was burned out of her house and is living with his father in Nakuru. She has polio and can never return to her home. It, and all her possessions are gone. Iam looking for money to send to her to purchase land in a safe location. I need to find about $1500 to buy 3/4 an acre. The money will come.

So - enough for now. Pray for peace, (and Mariah Carey) and for Kenya. Life is good.

JUST STAY ON THE JOURNEY AND CONNECTED

"I no longer seek any perfection from my own efforts…but only the perfection that comes from faith and is from God…We who are called perfect must all think in this way” (Philippians 3:9,15)

Where the text finally points, leads and calls is to the total mystery of divine union—and nothing less.

You don’t have to figure it all out or get it all right ahead of time. You just have to stay on the journey. All you can do is stay connected. We don’t know how to be perfect, but we can stay in union. “If you remain in me and I remain in you,” says Jesus, “you can ask for whatever you want and you’re going to get it” (see John 15:7). When you’re connected, there are no coincidences anymore.

Synchronicities, coincidences, accidents and “providences” just keep happening. Union realigns you with everything, and things just start happening. I cannot explain the “chemistry” of it all. Some people call it “the secret”. All I know is that the “branch cut off from the vine is useless” (John 15:5), yet on the vine it bears much fruit (15:5, 7). The True Self is endlessly generative, in touch with its Source; the false self is fragile, needy and insecure.

from Things Hidden: Scripture as Spirituality

CNN Articles for February 1st 2008

CNN Article Regarding Tribal History
CNN Article Regarding Peace Agreement

Things that have changed

My first night in the Village, we arrived around 11:00pm. I was afraid of scorpions, cobras, big Africa bugs and beetles! I tucked in my mosquito netting around my matress, prayed for courage and wondered if I would ever be able to use the squat latrine. Since then - things have changed.

I know longer worry about the big ants in the sugar bowl each morning. Now it is just a question of how many I can stomach in my morning coffee and are they dead or alive.

I used to wash my sheets regularly since there are big dirt marks where my feet land in bed. I remedied that - no sheets.

I don't chew the rice and green grams (lentils) so much any more. Got tired of the gravel mixed in. Just swallow it.

Goats reminded me of The Sound of Music - not sure why. Now they remind me of beef. I ride a motorbike to the "butchery" where a recently slain goat hangs with no refridgeration. The only question is when did it get put there. We go to a little shack of a pub and this old man comes over from next store for our order of a kilo of goat. In about 30 minutes he's cooked it on a fire behind the bar, pour hot water over our hands and puts a mound of salt in the middle of the goat. One loaf of bread gets hacked into pieces and dinner is ready. There is such a thing as "bad goat".

Cipro - got any? Stomach problems were constant at the beginning. It's not such a big deal now. I told Chris I probably have some parasite and maybe some worms (sorry). John, the massive Georgetown, pre-med volunteer from Cleveland had malaria and had to get shots in his butt each day for five days. We tried to get pictures to send to his friends. I laugh in malaria's face!

John and I have had a change in our eyesight - no lie. We can see in the dark now - no torch necessary.

Guys cooking Chapati outside.This happens nightly somewhere, at some house. You just have to search for it.

We used to be afraid to eat food made by the kids in the houses. Now we follow our noses and go nightly, door to door. "Who has Chapati tonight!"

We would regularly show up for mass on time - 8:00 a.m. on Sundays. Now we wait til 8:30 and hear the priest's motorbike before we get out of bed. We are still the first ones there. TIA

There are tons of things that we would never have thought we would do when we first arrived in the Village. We have little fear, little pride left.

The biggest change - if I order Tuskers Beer back home - it will have to be warm. I have gotten use to warm beer and, when it is available, warm soda.

And so you are learning what?

I spoke with Chris last night. Good to hear a familiar voice and talk about life in both places. He asked (as we sometimes ask each other) "How are things spiritually?" I have to say things are not bad, better than a month ago, not as good as next week! But I have begun to think about why I came, what I've done and what I learned. My friend Richard wrote a book entitled "Adam's Return". In it he states the life lessons that every young man must know and learn. I found myself, especially after the death of the two boys inthe Village, wondering if I might be learning some of those lessons again or for the first time.

- YOU ARE NOT IMPORTANT.
- YOUR LIFE IS NOT ABOUT YOU.
- YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL.
- YOU ARE GOING TO DIE.

I think I have denied just about all of those things over my 50 plus years. But in Africa, maybe they are beginning to sink in. In the grand scheme - it isn't all about Ed and perhaps I am not as important as I think I am! Death - I think I disregard and I am definitely not in control of anything. Each of these four truths have been brought home to me in dynamic and real ways - especially death.

I've learned some other things - one being that I can't see God if my ego is inflated. I need to be very small, quiet, watchful - in order to see God. I was sitting outside one evening with a young man who asked me if I prayed. He was struggling with some young adult issues. I looked into his deep eyes and I swear, saw Jesus, God, something Divine in him. He is quiet, humble but has lived a short life very courageously. I was able to talk to him about his faith, his traditions and about courage. It was a conversation I will never forget. I have been able to have similar experiences with other members of the Village - both young and very old.

I have learned to be patient - forced to learn it. It drives me nuts but am getting better at accepting. TIA

I have struggled with emotional stuff - feelings of insecurity, self esteem, jealousy. These are things I thought I dealt with long ago and was certainly suprised when they surfaced in Africa at the age of 53. These feelings are much better now and I partly blame the malaria medicine. Today I find the feelings amusing and I move on.

I'll think some more about what I am learning but one thing I am sure about . . . I didn't have to come to Africa to learn them. Africa was an added gift but I know that God is real and present always, everywhere. God is not "OUT THERE" but so close that God breathes within me. Hopefully more to come.

Some Pics

Charles Darwin (maybe not his real name) wrote a proposal that we tutor him each night from 7 - 9:45pm. He is in eighth grade and very motivated. He lists me and another one of his teachers as "The Greats Men" We need to work on plurals.

There are 11 or 12 goats which are kidding. This is the newest one.

Installing solar panels on the roof of the Medical Clinic. Now patients can be seen with more than candle light at night! Thanks for your contributions!

I will go back to being vegetarian in April. This is some late night Goat Cooking outside one of the staff houses.

Friday - Much Accomplished

Lots accomplished today in Nairobi. I was able to change my flights to a couple days later than originally scheduled. My hope is that BA does not change or cancel its flights. Virgin International has canceled many flights out of Nairobi due to low tourist use. I spoke with twpo members of VSO (Volunteer Service Organization). One works with NGOs and the other is a Doctor who works in Nyumbani in Nairobi, in the slums and visits the Village to see children and grandmothers periodically. She told me they fly out tonight, back home to London for four weeks. VSO has had people stationed in Naivasha and there have been p[roblems with violence there. Therefor all 60 some volunteers have been called home. Peace Corps workers have also been called home - I was told. I am independent, with no large sponsoring organization so . . . unless the State Department makes US citizens leave, I am here and very safe.

I also got to arrange for a safari to Tsavo. The location is safer than the Rift Valley destinations of Masai Mara and Lake Nakuru. If things settle by the end of the month, I can switch back. There will be six of us, including 3 Kenyans.

I also met with Sr. Little to discuss Lea Toto program and its future sinc the violence. There is difficulty getting food and ARV meds into the slums. Kikuyus have difficulties getting into the slums safely, at least Kibera.

More this evening - hopefully some pics too. Plans to go back to the Village early tomorrow morning.

Email I sent from Kitui Earlier this week

I cant even think of leaving Africa - my heart is so torn. It was difficult to leave IHM but I knew things would be ok with the kids and I would return in six months. At the village - - I am not so sure. I have fallen in love with the kids, the grandmothers and many of the workers here. Their pain is real and I have come to share some of it. My hope is that Zac can still come - if things dont escalate, and maybe experience some of the beauty of this country and the people. I'll share one little story of goodness of the kids. Lucy is 14. She celebrated a birthday a week or so ago. I remembered and bought her a warm Fanta Soda from Kitui. I gave it to her older brother to give to her with my best wishes. Kids cant get soda here! And there were no presents. When John (another volunteer) and I went to their house to sing Happy Birthday - (a new song for them) Lucy invited us in, got two plastic cups and brought out the soda I had given her. She filled both cups, emptying the bottle. For me and for John, nothing for herself. "Visitors are a gift from God. Welcome and thank you!" That is the kind of goodness I see every day, each evening when I walk the village. How can I not be grateful for this!!!!

My thanks to those who have contributed to this journey with prayers and financial support. You cant believe the inpact you have made on the village, the orphanage and the slum programs. I will never be able to repay you for your generosity and allowing me the opportunity to live out this dream.
I am writing this in a little shack-like building with an internet phone connection in the town of Kitui - about 30 minutes from the village. I hope to go to Nairobi tomorrow, if the roads and violence are ok. In Nairobi maybe I can catch up on emails and my journal.

Is this week superbowl??? Hope the Bengals are in it! Here in Kenya it is the African World Cup Soccer. We listen to the games - in Swahili though!

Thanks to all - especially Pat, Kathy, Karen, The Torbecks and all the many who continue to write and pray for me and for Kenya!

IN NROB for a Day

I apologize for not updating the blog in a while. I have been in the Village for a long period of time and have not had access to electric or the internet. I am in Nairobi for a night. I rode into the city on a Nyumbani truck and was dropped downtown at the Broitish Airways office. My goal on this visit is/was to change my flight arrangements but . . . . BA was closed! I guess they sent all the workers home due to the violence and the only office open is at the airport. I'll try to make changes by phone or online. The UK continues to be cautious regarding its people traveling here and living here. There are many advisories to stay clear of the country for a while.

I am as safe as I can be in the Village of Kitui. The residents of the Village and the surrounding towns are Akamba and not among those warring tribes. The tribes to surface and take part in the violence throughout Kenya are Kikuyu and Luo. I have great friends who are members of both tribes. But there are hatreds among some that go back for a long time and the recent election has sparked the animosity that was once present. It has become very bloody and brutal. I read a newsparer article from the Cincinnati Enquirer and can see why people may be concerned about my safety. Again, I am safe in Kitui but the cities of Nairobi, Nakuru, Kisumu, Naivasha, Eldorett and others are in chaos. There have been perhaps 1000 killed, and hundreds of thousands displaced and homeless due to having their homes burned. The slums, like Kibera down the street here, are tense and there is nightly violence. The Nyumbani LEa Toto programs have been suspended or altered in those places. Food and ARV meds are being given out in the polo grounds, where people have camped. Some of the children here at the orphanage are not able to go to school because of the threats to burn the schools.

I am saddended by the fear and anger of some of those I have been working with. There are staff members in the village who are members of the warring tribes. They continue to have difficulty finding family members in the troubled cities. Some have been located hiding in the police stations and churches. I visited Nakuru with George to meet his father, sister and others in his family a month and a half ago. I heard last week that 2 neighbors (one on each side of George's father's house were killed in the fighting - killed with bows and arrow,houses burned.

There has also been a live coverage media blackout and so it has been difficult to get good information. I rely on the texts from friends and calls to home and myfamily. You seemore than I do! Sometimes we gather round a little radio and hear BBC news.

Believe it or not - I only have about 30 days remaining in Kenya. I dont know what I'll do when I get back to the states. Maybe I'll look for a job! Keep your eyes open for me. My son Zac is coming to Kenya! If the climate is right for travel, Zac comes at the end of Feb and we visit the Village and go on a safari with three of my Kenyan friends from warring tribes. We have changed our destination due to the violence. But - if he can get here, we will have a great time in Africa and then fly to meet his sister and brother in London for a few days before coming home around March 10th. I can't wait to see them! They will make it easier to return home and leave what I have come to love. I do worry about how they will react when they seeme. As stated, I am in Nairobi, at the Childrens Home. They have mirrors! We have no mirrors in the Village and I was able to look at myself last night. I have lost a great deal of weight and had little weight to spare to begin with. My health is excellent but my face is a little more narrow than it was five months ago. It will come back with a few Whoppers and fries. More to come.