So tell me WHY again?

Maybe it’s a question people have of me or maybe it is my own question that I need to keep trying to answer to convince myself that my path is true. Why am I leaving and exploring a career change as radical as I am proposing? Well, it all began as a gentle prompting and without me having much ability to explain. It began as a feeling, a desire, a question that blossomed into a longing. When I first considered following, what I considered to be a Gospel call to work among the poor, I felt that my motives were selfish and self-serving. I had always felt (and still do) that I can see the face of the invisible God in the face of the poor. I often quoted and longed for the reality of Mother Teresa’s quote of “Finding Jesus in the distressing disguise of the poor.” As a teacher, I even taught that line to my grade school classes back 25 years ago as we would work soup kitchens or at Tender Mercies. I have seen these past 6 months as a quest to learn about Jesus, to actually try to follow Him, as opposed to simply knowing about Him. He is becoming my strategy, my teacher, my brother and The Way.

Selfishly I have prayed for another to take this journey with me, a brother or sister to accompany me – since Jesus’ pattern was to send the disciples out two by two. Francis had his brothers. But so far – no partners. I am beginning to think that Jesus will be my companion, and again, my teacher. As my friend Richard says, “You have to get the WHO right.” I know the WHAT. I have been taught the WHAT since I was a little boy, and the WHAT continues to be preached. I know the stuff that Jesus did, even what His followers were called to do. I just haven’t done it and I don’t know how. I blame myself, I blame the culture and I blame the church for keeping the journey and the Way so black and white. You can’t fall in love with rules, with commandments, with a catechism. I have taken these as a substitute for the WHO. You can’t fall in love with the WHAT, only with Jesus, who has fallen for me first. This must have been the experience of the early disciples. Why else would they give up everything, sell everything to follow Jesus? I want that. I want Jesus. Jesus keeps pointing us to His Father, hanging with the poor, the marginalized, the little ones. I want to follow Him, but apparently there is a prerequisite before you can see Him:

The young man said to him, “I have wholeheartedly obeyed all these laws. What do I still lack?” "Jesus, looking upon him, loved him," and said to him, "If you would be perfect, go, sell what you have, and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me."

I want to try.