Mercy within mercy within nercy

I am thinking that Lent is to be more important for me this year. I have been waiting and waiting for some direction. Waiting impatiently that is, until I was reminded that God’s time is not my time, as much as I would like to make it so. I guess I want quick answers and have been almost demanding that God answer me . . . and answer me now. I need to step back.

Lent has traditionally been a time when I become more aware of my own brokenness and weakness. I am learning that this “in between time” - this time of insecurity - can be a time when I allow God to be God and rest in Him. It seems that those who have suffered, those who have been humbled by their inadequacies and failings, those who have been “damaged” or hurt - actually have a head start in knowing God in a real way. They have a head start on the spiritual life. So I want to hang with those who know God and have learned to rely totally on God. The people who seem to know God most directly are the poor (in spirit or in possessions) those suffering and those who are uncomplicated in the ways of the world. I want to know what they know and rely on what they are forced to rely on. This, selfishly, has become the reason for my search. Funny though, this is the same desire I had years and years ago, even thirty years ago. It is just that the timing wasn't right. And so I look for a place to plant my life, a place where people live in a flow or power like I have never experienced. I want in on the flow. I hope to give everything away to find it. But, it is a long journey to become small, vulnerable, and weak. I have relied on myself and the culture for so long.

The Voice of God is heard in Paradise: "What was vile has become precious. What is now precious was never vile. I have always known the vile as precious: for what is vile I know not at all. What was cruel has become merciful. What is now merciful was never cruel. I have always overshadowed Jonas with My mercy, and cruelty I know not at all. Have you had sight of Me, Jonas My child? Mercy within mercy within mercy. I have forgiven the universe without end, because I have never known sin. What was poor has become infinite. What is infinite was never poor. I have always known poverty as infinite: riches I love not at all. Prisons within prisons within prisons. Do not lay up for yourselves ecstasies upon earth, where time and space corrupt, where the minutes break in and steal. No more lay hold on time, Jonas, My son, lest the rivers bear you away. What was fragile has become powerful. I loved what was most frail. I looked upon what was nothing. I touched what was without substance, and within what was not, I am.” Merton

And so I sit for forty days, before my God who ALWAYS creates something out of nothing. I pray to my God for forty days, who brings life out of what seems like death. I "know" that if there is no death, if there is no suffering, there can be no resurrection. And so I wait - but wait with anticipation and deep, deep gratitude.