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A friend asked me about my prayer life lately. Do I say rote prayers; try to sit in contemplation or meditate? I guess I have commented recently that I feel drawn to prayer and look forward to the times alone with “God alone.” I have to say that my ideas about prayer have changed over the years. My definition use to be “Prayer is that which softens my heart so that conversion can happen.” That remains true. My being more present to the liturgy and formalized prayer has increased but honestly I am most drawn to those silent times in the mornings. At those times I merely sit and wait, be, let go, allow. Rather than tell God what God already knows, I have been able to let go of some of my negativity, my worry, my “unlove”. I have been able to forgive. I am enjoying soaking up my sonship. I soak up God’s love for me (and all of creation) somewhat like I am able to breath in oxygen. I try to exhale the negative parts of me that can’t rely on God. I inhale God’s total compassion, love (which IS God), God’s peace. I suspect God wants to give me these things constantly but it is only when I can quiet down and allow God to love me and flow through me - that I can receive. I am hoping that the more I am able to be that conduit, the more it will become part of my daily life so that I can “pray” constantly.
“God is found when He is sought and when He is no longer sought, He escapes us. He is heard only when we hope to hear Him and if, thinking our hope to be fulfilled, we cease to listen, He ceases to speak, His silence ceases to be vivid and becomes dead, even though we recharge it with the echo of our own emotional noise.”
“Let me seek then, the gift of silence, and poverty and solitude, where everything I touch is turned to prayer; where the sky is my prayer, the wind in the trees is my prayer, for God is all in all.” Merton – Thoughts in Solitude
