Thursday, September 6, 2007

It's all about presence

Perhaps because my sleep patterns are messed up, I was awake at midnight here in London. The little hotel was filled with murmerings and sounds but I can usually sleep through anything, even police helicopters circling the area with searchlights. But I was able to read and write more than I had been for a while. It was good. I have so much to learn and I have been concerned how I would learn about what this journey means to me and the the rest of my life. Is it the work that is important? Is it the location? For months now it has been about getting here and now that I am on my way - what am I really doing? and why? It seems as though I just blinked and I am in London and not going home for quite a while. It has been about getting to this point, discerning, deciding, departing, planning . . . . now what? Is it simply about the work now? Last night I had a realization that it is not the work, not the place, not Kenya. It is about finding my life "in God" and allowing myself to be lead. I am convinced that it is all about presence - for those with whom I come into contact, those with whom I will live and work - and allowing them to be that presence and representation of God for me. I came to realize that, just as Jesus has got to be my companion (the one I longed for for this journey), the Spirit has got to be my teacher and let me know what in the world I am doing and draw me deeper into his life, draw me into what has been described as a DANCE. The journey has got to become non-geographic and has to go deeper. I long for a deeper prayer-life and union with God and His creation. I have been given all the tools and have been taught well by so many. Now, the only thing left to do is the doing. Last night was a good start!

The buzz in London is about terror attacks and thwarting them wordwide. It covers the papers and is the subject of the news. Security and the ability to live with insecurity. . . . life is short eh? I am so full these days, it doesn't seem fair and I remain grateful for every minute of the journey, be it in London, Nairobi, Burlington or Milford. Never let it be forgotten that I am here because of the goodness and kindness of so many people who have freed me to go on the journey. It is all good. I look forward to many more deep, dark, silent nights where the only light is His and it is the same light present in every continent. . . . and once again, Ed smiles.