See with new eyes

"Be converted to love every day. Change all your energies,all your potential, into selfless gifts for the other person. Then you yourself will be changed from within, and through you, God’s Kingdom will break into the world." Source: Rule for a New Brother

These days have turned out to be great! After some time trying to adjust and trying to fill up this awkward time, I have been able to read more, pray some more and write a little. Even the Sunday readings are speaking more and more to me. In past weeks for example:

“Carry no money bag, no sack, no sandals; and greet no one along the way……. Whatever town you enter and they welcome you, eat what is set before you, cure the sick in it and say to them, ‘The kingdom of God is at hand for you.’” Or in today’s Gospel – Teach us to pray . . . “Your Kingdom come.”

John Michael Talbot had a song we use to sing. It went something like “Behold now the Kingdom. See with new eyes.” The Kingdom is becoming more and more central to me as I have had some time to wait, listen, reflect - see. And it seems like the Kingdom of God – like so many things about our God - is always a matter of sight, a matter of being able to see. Being able to see a Kingdom that is “now” and that is “not yet” and dancing in between that paradox of understanding the Kingdom. I am no scripture scholar but it seems as though “The Kingdom of God” is paramount in Jesus teaching and the object to which He points consistently. It is mentioned, I read, 100 times in the New Testament.

But I don’t live there (in the kingdom) – at least I don’t think I do and I don’t know how to get there – although I am finding some maps laying around and I am going to attempt to use them, I do believe that the Kingdom is an alternative, someplace other than where I am now. Living in the kingdom gives you a different frame of reference. Jesus seems to always “proclaim it.”

What I have is the Kingdom of Ed, which is very nice, but far from the Kingdom of God which is offered to me. I read that it is difficult for rich people to get there. (Again, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it is hard to see the Kingdom with stuff in the way.) Jesus must have known that. He told us that the Kingdom belongs to the poor and the persecuted. (That’s not me.) I am rich and run from conflict! I know that we are supposed to seek the Kingdom first – and all the rest will follow. Well maybe that’s the clue for me – at least try to seek the Kingdom. Thy Kingdom come – my kingdom go. According to Jesus, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are getting into the kingdom ahead of me. (Maybe another career change is in my future!) The Kingdom is not readily available to the elite, the wealthy, the smart but given to the lost, the poor, the vulnerable. Again, it makes one cautious when judging who’s “in” and who’s “out” of the Kingdom.

E. Stanley Jones writes:

“What happened to the Gospel of the Kingdom? It was too great for the disciples small hearts. After his resurrection, Jesus spent 40 days with them Talking about what? Talking about the affairs of the Kingdom. The affairs of the state seemed trivial compaired to those of the Kingdom of God. “Get this straight,” he was saying to them, “for if you get this Kingdom straight, all of life will go straight with you.” Did they get it straight? No, they reduced it: “Lord, wilt thou at this time restore the kingdom of Israel?” (Acts 1:6) They reduced the universal Kingdom (the Kingdom of God) to a nationalistic mode, the restoring of self-government. They didn’t reject it. They reduced it. That is what we have been doing ever since – reducing the Good News of the Kingdom to the good news of nationalism. “The American Way of Life”; to the good news of the church – the denominational way of life; to the personal way of life – peace of mind; to the corporate church life – the ecumenical movement.” (A Song of Ascents)

If the Kingdom is central to Jesus teaching; if it is the pearl of great price; if it truly is the Reign of God; if the Kingdom – and my place in it - is a foundational concept in Christianity, and a central theme of Jesus’ message in the Gospels; if it is to be entered through acceptance like a child, spiritual rebirth, and doing the will of God – then I need to get busy. I need to open my eyes. I need to see better.

I also have to say that I am 53 years old and feel, once again, shortchanged by a church which does not demand that we at least investigate the kingdom and how far we as a church have strayed from it. We have not been encouraged to seek the Kingdom but have been taught to “reduce” it and make it “fit” into the American way of life. I feel sometimes deprived of a journey of faith – but have been given instead, a journey of precepts and morality. Clearly Jesus is less concerned with morality and more with being able to envision and enter the Kingdom – now. My kingdom passes away. It dies and I am left grasping at its trappings. God’s Kingdom is now, and not yet, in the present but also to come.

My friend preaches that “we become what we love.” God became what He loved – us! He wasn’t satisfied to remain at a distance. He became a man. I think He continues to become what He loves – me. And my response should be to try to become what I love – God. What I think I have become instead, is my stuff, my way of life, my false self. I became what I loved which was all the things I have, what I continue to accumulate and “worship” I have not been able to believe that those things all pass away. I read that they do. I saw first hand that it all ends when my friend John died. I thought about it for a while when he died. “Wow, live now because it will end – maybe soon like John.” But my enthusiasm for living in a new way quickly disipated and I went back to “building my tower” and following the “American dream.” I exchanged life with my invisible God for what I could see and feel and taste. I exchanged it for what clearly does not last – though I pretend that it will – as if it matters a bit about what I drive, wear or where I live. What lasts? What remains when I am gone, dead and buried? Love and only love.

Music Video with Nyumbani Kids

Lost in God

"God utters me like a word containing a partial thought of himself. A word will never be able to comprehend the voice that utters it. But if I am true to the concept God utters in me, if I am true to the thought I was meant to embody, I shall be full of God’s actuality and find him everywhere in myself, and find myself nowhere. I shall be lost in God. " Merton

A great gift has been given to me, this empty time "in between". After weeks of trying to fill up the time, I have tried to let go and hear that word uttered in the silence. In the midst of preparation and tasks to be done, I have been able to retreat and "be". It has been quite a gift. I am convinced that the "journey" is the dream. In taking a leap, stepping out (to any degree), God is able to be God and support me, catch me, walk with me. It seems that the prerequisite for God to act in my life is somehow my own action.

I have been walking at least four miles - two times a day, praying, listening, thinking. I also have had the time to sit and read and pray. It's not so much saying prayers (though I have a daily prayer book I read from) but mainly listening and trying to get out of the way. Whatever comes, comes. I just try to make myself available and open to love and life. That's big!

"Follow Me"

And so my mom looks at me and says "You know, maybe you are meant to give everything away and God doesn't want you to take a lot with you." That has been my thought from the beginning and a reason for getting rid of all of my "stuff." I knew I was ok with being poor, but didn't think my mom would be a fan - and would worry too much about me. Apparently I underestimated her faith - once again.


I had originally thought that selling the condo would give me some extra money to bank - in case I needed it. But there is something to be said for "the security to be insecure". Just as I was advised to "have something else in place before you resign from your job" I have always had a foot in each world - one foot in a world reliant on God for my daily bread, and the other foot in a world that says - "Don't be foolish, have something to fall back on" (Why? in case God is not faithful? in case God is not my security? in case the words I have staked the next leg of my journey on turn out to be false or Jesus wasn't serious?


"Sell what you have, and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me."


So Jesus doesn't really say "love me" or "worship me" or "believe in me" as much as He clearly tells us "follow Me". But that is the difficulty. I can probably believe, worship, and love but find it so difficult to "follow" Him, and do what He did, because I know it will ask too much of me. I know it will ask everything of me - and I have one foot in another camp. I am not even sure what it means to follow Jesus - though I am learning day by day.


Ashley Barker is a young man from New Zealand. He, his wife and young family lived and worked among the poor in New Zealand before moving to the slums of Thailand - his whole family! He writes in his book entitled "Surrender All":


"If following Jesus is the WAY, yet we try to hedge our bets following "society's dream", we will undermine our Christian witness to our families and undermine their foundation for life. There is no way to have both. I believe the world doesn't need more billionaires, but it does need more people to live like Jesus. Only by being willing to follow Jesus with our whole hearts can we pass this on to our children. They will smell a rat if we don't. Living the Western consumer dream robs children of what this life can mean for them. I for one will trust this (God's) promise above those of the banks, political parties and multinational companies. Life is full of tough choices. God promises however, that in choosing to stand with the poor we can live deep lives in a shallow world and have all we really need. Is that enough for us? "

I can't have it both ways. But it is difficult to put all my eggs in one basket. Little by little I hope I can move towards a life of faith and follow the One who walked(s) before us. I hope to one day be able to jump with both feet, knowing that I am not alone. It is the journey of faith. It excites me more than anything else I can imagine.

To live deliberately

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear, nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion. For most men, it appears to me, are in a strange uncertainty about it, whether it is of the devil or of God . . . ." Thoreau

GEMSAF Information

I found an interesting report / article about the sustainability program and agroforestry and farming endeavors at the Nyumbani Village. It highlights the relationship between Nyumbani and the University of Wisconsin. It introduced me to GEMSAF - the Global Environmental Management Education Center Sustainable Agriculture Forestry Program. Quite a mouthful but interesting reading. Info can be found at THIS LINK More later.

Village News

I was able to contact Beth, a volunteer I met while visiting Kenya in March. She is now home in the states and I thought it would be wise to ask her for any advice. She lived and worked in the Village for three months and loved it! She is jealous that I can spend six months. She writes in part to answer some of my questions:

"They run the generator from about 9 in the morning til around lunch time. Usually they run it in the afternoon for a while as well. There is an opportunity to charge cell phones, etc. when the generator is on, but you will be competing with others who also have phones that need to be charged up. Forget about a toilet seat, unless you plan on making your own toilet as well. The seat won't work over the holes -- go native my friend -- you will get used to it. Things to bring -- for sure mosquito repellent, stuff to read, crosswords, etc. as the evenings get pretty long (it is dark early) -- enough batteries to keep your flashlights going -- the batteries that you can purchase in Kitui town are usually not very good -- only last a couple of days. I highly recommend a headlamp light (miner style) -- they are great for reading in bed and walking outside at night. I would recommend that you take your own sheets and a blanket or light sleeping bag.

I would recommend that you bring a nice shirt and pair of nice pants -- if you will be attending any school related meetings, etc. The staff at the village dress very nicely -- and you will want something nice if you plan on attending church.... hope this helps -- if I missed anything, let me know. I am so jealous that you are going -- I wish I could leave tomorrow!! Hope to hear from you soon!"

In another email she writes:

"You can buy a phone (and minutes) at the Nakumatt in Karen -- it will cost about $30.00 and is well worth it -- you can buy minutes just about anywhere (including Kithiani, which is about a twenty minute walk from the village). If you pack enough stuff to get through a week or a week and a half -- you can always do laundry. Make sure you take laundry soap from Nairobi to the village. Also -- the best investment (other than the phone) was a lightweight easy chair (kind of like a beach chair, made from aluminum and canvas) that I bought at Nakumatt for about $25.00 dollars. There is NOTHING comfortable to sit on in the village -- I used it every single day and night and was really glad I bought it --

I'm excited for you -- how great that you can stay for six months. If you do get email, please send me a note after you are there and let me know how the chickens and goats are doing!

Beth"

Sr. Mary, Director of Nyumbani in Nairobi wrote with an update on progress in the Village of Kitui:

"Nyumbani Village continues to come alive with the typical sounds and scenes of village life. We now have 163 children and 25 grandparents in residence with 146 children waiting to come. We will soon have to start building again once we have enough funds for more houses. We opened Hotcourses Primary School on 7th May, which has now an enrolment of 72. Assessment of the children’s education level had been done during the previous week and those for Standards 1 – 4 identified. The performance of some Std 5s was not up to standard so they were guided to repeat. The next day, all the other Std 5s presented themselves at the Village Manager’s office and announced that they too would repeat. Seeing the facilities in the Village school, they had assessed that their chances of succeeding in school would be greater there than in the local school. It took much dialogue to convince them that it was to their benefit to continue in Std 5. At Assembly on the opening morning, I noticed a 3 year old girl standing with the Std 1 and a 3 year old boy ensconced among the Std 2. After Assembly the two marched with the others to the respective classes. We had no choice but to start a nursery class later that morning!

A day for the grandparents happened later in May when a delegation from Free Play Foundation, UK, and Path, Kenya came to the Village to present 40 free-play radios, thanks to Anthonny Lumadede’s mediation. Such joy on the faces of the grandparents as each came up, some dancing, some singing, some ululating to receive the gift for their family. They were then trained in the operation of the radio and, finally, proudly signed possession with a thumbprint.

The Sustainability Program in the Village is gradually showing very promising signs under the direction of our local consultant and his team, and with the assistance of GEMSAF Wisconsin University, Steven’s Point, who give us both personnel and technical expertise. We are about to venture into a bigger commercial enterprise through collaboration with another Trust in which we will develop 100 acres of castor and they will ensure marketing. A further collaboration with Jatropha is planned. To our great joy, we now have been connected to the public Masinga Dam water supply, which solves our problem with the high fluoride content in our borehole supply."

And so the emails serve to get me even more excited. No movement on the condo - still trusting it will work out and sell soon.