Sadly, I have not been as faithful to my
prayer life as I was at the beginning of this journey. It's not a bad thing - I am still
pretty much in touch with "the flow" and feel a connectedness to God and God's creations,but just not the regiment I had initially. Hoping to get some of that back. But I have been thinking a lot about "God is not out there!" the wise saying by a monk from Gethsemane. I am able to see God's face more clearly these days, in the faces of the children in the Village. Also, there is something so deep in the
eyes of the grandparents - I know that God is present. I read a "life story" given to me by one of the boys. I won't share the details but he has gone through some difficult times to say the least. But sprinkled in his writing
are phrases like "and this is when I saw God's miracles on me" or "we hadn't eaten for three days and when we got water, I thanked my almighty God" or "I promised God that when I am older and have a job, I'll return and buy a fatty cow for the Village." Their faith is real, simple and deep. I make it all too complicated. They rely on God for everything from food to water to rain for the crops. I am afraid that there are so many times that
I just don't seem to need God. Like everything else in
my life,I figure
I can do it. I can
save myself. I
have all that I need and so much more. Where is the place for God in my over-indulged life. That is where my desire to get small, to get simple
has helped me. There are times in the Village when I have been scared, alone, sick and weak. There are times when I have been frustrated, hurt, angry and wondering what in the hell
I am doing in Africa. It is at those times that I have allowed God to save me, to be my Father, to love me. Without those times of struggle and fear (the opposite of faith) I am not sure that God would be so real. The "together" man has no need of God.
Sadly, I have not been as faithful to my prayer life as I was at the beginning of this journey. It's not a bad thing - I am still pretty much in touch with "the flow" and feel a connectedness to God and God's creations,but just not the regiment I had initially. Hoping to get some of that back. But I have been thinking a lot about "God is not out there!" the wise saying by a monk from Gethsemane. I am able to see God's face more clearly these days, in the faces of the children in the Village. Also, there is something so deep in the eyes of the grandparents - I know that God is present. I read a "life story" given to me by one of the boys. I won't share the details but he has gone through some difficult times to say the least. But sprinkled in his writing are phrases like "and this is when I saw God's miracles on me" or "we hadn't eaten for three days and when we got water, I thanked my almighty God" or "I promised God that when I am older and have a job, I'll return and buy a fatty cow for the Village." Their faith is real, simple and deep. I make it all too complicated. They rely on God for everything from food to water to rain for the crops. I am afraid that there are so many times that I just don't seem to need God. Like everything else in my life,I figure I can do it. I can save myself. I have all that I need and so much more. Where is the place for God in my over-indulged life. That is where my desire to get small, to get simple
has helped me. There are times in the Village when I have been scared, alone, sick and weak. There are times when I have been frustrated, hurt, angry and wondering what in the hell I am doing in Africa. It is at those times that I have allowed God to save me, to be my Father, to love me. Without those times of struggle and fear (the opposite of faith) I am not sure that God would be so real. The "together" man has no need of God.
