And so you are learning what?

I spoke with Chris last night. Good to hear a familiar voice and talk about life in both places. He asked (as we sometimes ask each other) "How are things spiritually?" I have to say things are not bad, better than a month ago, not as good as next week! But I have begun to think about why I came, what I've done and what I learned. My friend Richard wrote a book entitled "Adam's Return". In it he states the life lessons that every young man must know and learn. I found myself, especially after the death of the two boys inthe Village, wondering if I might be learning some of those lessons again or for the first time.

- YOU ARE NOT IMPORTANT.
- YOUR LIFE IS NOT ABOUT YOU.
- YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL.
- YOU ARE GOING TO DIE.

I think I have denied just about all of those things over my 50 plus years. But in Africa, maybe they are beginning to sink in. In the grand scheme - it isn't all about Ed and perhaps I am not as important as I think I am! Death - I think I disregard and I am definitely not in control of anything. Each of these four truths have been brought home to me in dynamic and real ways - especially death.

I've learned some other things - one being that I can't see God if my ego is inflated. I need to be very small, quiet, watchful - in order to see God. I was sitting outside one evening with a young man who asked me if I prayed. He was struggling with some young adult issues. I looked into his deep eyes and I swear, saw Jesus, God, something Divine in him. He is quiet, humble but has lived a short life very courageously. I was able to talk to him about his faith, his traditions and about courage. It was a conversation I will never forget. I have been able to have similar experiences with other members of the Village - both young and very old.

I have learned to be patient - forced to learn it. It drives me nuts but am getting better at accepting. TIA

I have struggled with emotional stuff - feelings of insecurity, self esteem, jealousy. These are things I thought I dealt with long ago and was certainly suprised when they surfaced in Africa at the age of 53. These feelings are much better now and I partly blame the malaria medicine. Today I find the feelings amusing and I move on.

I'll think some more about what I am learning but one thing I am sure about . . . I didn't have to come to Africa to learn them. Africa was an added gift but I know that God is real and present always, everywhere. God is not "OUT THERE" but so close that God breathes within me. Hopefully more to come.

Some Pics

Charles Darwin (maybe not his real name) wrote a proposal that we tutor him each night from 7 - 9:45pm. He is in eighth grade and very motivated. He lists me and another one of his teachers as "The Greats Men" We need to work on plurals.

There are 11 or 12 goats which are kidding. This is the newest one.

Installing solar panels on the roof of the Medical Clinic. Now patients can be seen with more than candle light at night! Thanks for your contributions!

I will go back to being vegetarian in April. This is some late night Goat Cooking outside one of the staff houses.

Friday - Much Accomplished

Lots accomplished today in Nairobi. I was able to change my flights to a couple days later than originally scheduled. My hope is that BA does not change or cancel its flights. Virgin International has canceled many flights out of Nairobi due to low tourist use. I spoke with twpo members of VSO (Volunteer Service Organization). One works with NGOs and the other is a Doctor who works in Nyumbani in Nairobi, in the slums and visits the Village to see children and grandmothers periodically. She told me they fly out tonight, back home to London for four weeks. VSO has had people stationed in Naivasha and there have been p[roblems with violence there. Therefor all 60 some volunteers have been called home. Peace Corps workers have also been called home - I was told. I am independent, with no large sponsoring organization so . . . unless the State Department makes US citizens leave, I am here and very safe.

I also got to arrange for a safari to Tsavo. The location is safer than the Rift Valley destinations of Masai Mara and Lake Nakuru. If things settle by the end of the month, I can switch back. There will be six of us, including 3 Kenyans.

I also met with Sr. Little to discuss Lea Toto program and its future sinc the violence. There is difficulty getting food and ARV meds into the slums. Kikuyus have difficulties getting into the slums safely, at least Kibera.

More this evening - hopefully some pics too. Plans to go back to the Village early tomorrow morning.

Email I sent from Kitui Earlier this week

I cant even think of leaving Africa - my heart is so torn. It was difficult to leave IHM but I knew things would be ok with the kids and I would return in six months. At the village - - I am not so sure. I have fallen in love with the kids, the grandmothers and many of the workers here. Their pain is real and I have come to share some of it. My hope is that Zac can still come - if things dont escalate, and maybe experience some of the beauty of this country and the people. I'll share one little story of goodness of the kids. Lucy is 14. She celebrated a birthday a week or so ago. I remembered and bought her a warm Fanta Soda from Kitui. I gave it to her older brother to give to her with my best wishes. Kids cant get soda here! And there were no presents. When John (another volunteer) and I went to their house to sing Happy Birthday - (a new song for them) Lucy invited us in, got two plastic cups and brought out the soda I had given her. She filled both cups, emptying the bottle. For me and for John, nothing for herself. "Visitors are a gift from God. Welcome and thank you!" That is the kind of goodness I see every day, each evening when I walk the village. How can I not be grateful for this!!!!

My thanks to those who have contributed to this journey with prayers and financial support. You cant believe the inpact you have made on the village, the orphanage and the slum programs. I will never be able to repay you for your generosity and allowing me the opportunity to live out this dream.
I am writing this in a little shack-like building with an internet phone connection in the town of Kitui - about 30 minutes from the village. I hope to go to Nairobi tomorrow, if the roads and violence are ok. In Nairobi maybe I can catch up on emails and my journal.

Is this week superbowl??? Hope the Bengals are in it! Here in Kenya it is the African World Cup Soccer. We listen to the games - in Swahili though!

Thanks to all - especially Pat, Kathy, Karen, The Torbecks and all the many who continue to write and pray for me and for Kenya!

IN NROB for a Day

I apologize for not updating the blog in a while. I have been in the Village for a long period of time and have not had access to electric or the internet. I am in Nairobi for a night. I rode into the city on a Nyumbani truck and was dropped downtown at the Broitish Airways office. My goal on this visit is/was to change my flight arrangements but . . . . BA was closed! I guess they sent all the workers home due to the violence and the only office open is at the airport. I'll try to make changes by phone or online. The UK continues to be cautious regarding its people traveling here and living here. There are many advisories to stay clear of the country for a while.

I am as safe as I can be in the Village of Kitui. The residents of the Village and the surrounding towns are Akamba and not among those warring tribes. The tribes to surface and take part in the violence throughout Kenya are Kikuyu and Luo. I have great friends who are members of both tribes. But there are hatreds among some that go back for a long time and the recent election has sparked the animosity that was once present. It has become very bloody and brutal. I read a newsparer article from the Cincinnati Enquirer and can see why people may be concerned about my safety. Again, I am safe in Kitui but the cities of Nairobi, Nakuru, Kisumu, Naivasha, Eldorett and others are in chaos. There have been perhaps 1000 killed, and hundreds of thousands displaced and homeless due to having their homes burned. The slums, like Kibera down the street here, are tense and there is nightly violence. The Nyumbani LEa Toto programs have been suspended or altered in those places. Food and ARV meds are being given out in the polo grounds, where people have camped. Some of the children here at the orphanage are not able to go to school because of the threats to burn the schools.

I am saddended by the fear and anger of some of those I have been working with. There are staff members in the village who are members of the warring tribes. They continue to have difficulty finding family members in the troubled cities. Some have been located hiding in the police stations and churches. I visited Nakuru with George to meet his father, sister and others in his family a month and a half ago. I heard last week that 2 neighbors (one on each side of George's father's house were killed in the fighting - killed with bows and arrow,houses burned.

There has also been a live coverage media blackout and so it has been difficult to get good information. I rely on the texts from friends and calls to home and myfamily. You seemore than I do! Sometimes we gather round a little radio and hear BBC news.

Believe it or not - I only have about 30 days remaining in Kenya. I dont know what I'll do when I get back to the states. Maybe I'll look for a job! Keep your eyes open for me. My son Zac is coming to Kenya! If the climate is right for travel, Zac comes at the end of Feb and we visit the Village and go on a safari with three of my Kenyan friends from warring tribes. We have changed our destination due to the violence. But - if he can get here, we will have a great time in Africa and then fly to meet his sister and brother in London for a few days before coming home around March 10th. I can't wait to see them! They will make it easier to return home and leave what I have come to love. I do worry about how they will react when they seeme. As stated, I am in Nairobi, at the Childrens Home. They have mirrors! We have no mirrors in the Village and I was able to look at myself last night. I have lost a great deal of weight and had little weight to spare to begin with. My health is excellent but my face is a little more narrow than it was five months ago. It will come back with a few Whoppers and fries. More to come.

Thursday

Today was somewhat productive. I was able to take out more shillings to purchase the solar panels (hopefully tomorrow). The project is fully funded but I need to pay in cash, so I go everyday to the ATM to take out my limit. It is annoying and probably dangerous to walk around with 293,000 Kenyan Shillings! ($4500) But no one takes credit cards around here. I also spent time with the grandmothers and Kimanzi, all in from the Village and said goodbye to them as they were picked up by the Village truck. It was a little difficult to explain to them why I wasn't headed back with them. Finally I convinced them that I was "coming tomorrow". I hope that's true.

While waiting around the Children's Home here in Kenya, a couple of young brothers from Spain came by to see Sr. Teresa Little. I am very impressed with these guys, working with an orphanage of 40 kids, taken from the streets of Nairobi. They had received donations of some medications, bandages, and equipment they shared with Sr. Little and with the Village. I'll take some of these supplies back with me when I go. The guys go home to Spain soon but will return in June. I continue to be amazed at how generous these guys are with their time and expertise, at such a young age. They looked like a lot of fun,always smiling and humble - a good combination.

And so I wait another night here in Karen. Each night I am away from the Village - I miss it more. It is difficult to explain, but life there is just different. The kids are different - not better - but more simple and hard working. I miss the walks and talks and tutoring and the shambas. I miss the other volunteers. There is a very good chance that I will pass two volunteers coming here, as I return to the Village. Maria (from Spain) and Bethany from Chicago head back home, finished with their volunteer responsibilities. I may not even see them to say goodbye. But who knows - I may still be here!

In Nairobi a Few More Days

Today was a good day - Islamic holiday called last week by the president to get votes in the December 27th elections. It is Wednesday and Jenn (Village volunteer in Nairobi to update Visa from Australia - Tasmania) and I went to Nairobi to purchase volleyballs, soccer balls, Frisbees etc. for the village. We also were able to catch some lunch and a bus back to Karen. Jenn just left to return downtown to catch a matatu to Kitui. It will be another hour to town, then three - four hours to Kitui and then a 30minute motorbike ride up the hills to the Village. Not a great trip and not all that safe for a young girl, especially after dark. But Jenn is tougher than I am! She works daily in the shambas with John,planting and taking care of the tree nursery. It is hard work.

The plan for me is to remain in the Childrens Home here in Nairobi until Kilonzo gets here tomorrow night from the Village. Kilonzo knows electricity and solar so together we will go into town and purchase the panels and the other equipment. Then I can get back to the Village late Friday or early Saturday - hopefully. George has a birthday on Saturday.

I enjoy my time here - it's nice,easy, friendly people and kids but it is not the Village and I know the children and grandmothers were expecting me back sooner.

Not sure if I mentioned it, but the other night, a truck arrived carrying two grandmothers and Kimanzi from the Village. One of the grandmothers has somephysical problems and three year old Kimanzi drank some parrifin (lamp fluid) and has some stomach issues. Kim's picture may still be on the sidebar of this blog. Anyway - it was a relief for them to see a familiar face and Kimanzi grabbed my neck and woould not let go. It was good to see them and made me even more anxious to return to Kitui and the kids there.

Pics on Flickr Site

Young Maasai and George

Ed at the border of Kenya and Tanzania

Trying to stay in "the flow"

It is difficult to have a traditional American experience of Christmas this year. Not only are there cultural and religious differences here in Kenya, but I am amazed by how the weather effects my "Christmas Spirit." It is difficult to think of Christmas (or Thanksgiving) when it is 90 degrees and no snow. I went to Yaya Center, a "mall-like place in Nairobi". There was a Kenyan Santa Clause with no one in line for pictures. He was a skinny guy, stuffing coming out of his suit and dreadlocks. I have to say that I am relieved to not have to be racing around looking for presents and unique items to give to people - friends and family, although I really enjoy the idea of letting people know they are cared about and thought of by giving gifts.

But - I need to concentrate on the miracle of God, who is so big, so powerful, so good - coming to this planet as one of us. That is God's saving power - I believe as much as Good Friday and Easter. By coming to earth, Jesus says - it is all good, come and meet my Father and be loved, unconditionally. I think of those I love, my daughter, my sons, my mom and other relatives. I think of the friends I have been fortunate enough to share a life with. When I think of my kids especially and feel the tears welling up behind my eyes because of my love for them, I think about how much more we are loved by a Father who has not left us orphans - but waits for us to join Him - not just when we die but now. I am rambling but think this is central to my thoughts these days. Sin has become anything that keeps me from Him, knowing that love, receiving Him. Sin is not doing bad things or screwing up or disappointing God - it is just anything that keeps me from the "flow" of love that has been given (now and forever). That is punishment in and of itself - not knowing "the flow". I want that "flow" - to know the love that flows from my Father and causes tears to well up behind His eyes when he thinks about how much he loves me / us. I know it is giving human characteristics to God,but that's all I have right now. My possessions, my diversions into moodiness, my unlove for others, etc. etc. all keep me from the "flow" - that's all! But God waits for me and teaches me to let it all go and give it all to Him and to His Creation - which is Him as well! Christmas reminds me that He has entered my life, not with earthquakes and trumpets, not with carols and purchases, but in a small way, a quiet way, an infant way. IT IS SO IMPORTANT FOR ME TO GET SMALL - IN ORDER TO MEET GOD.

I am not sure what Christmas will be like in the Village. When I came they said "Oh you'll be here for Christmas! We will slaughter a goat!" But I know, whatever we do - this first Christmas with kids in the Village, I will try to be small, try to see Jesus again - to try to follow His path of humility, quiet, calm. In a little village in East Africa, I hope that Jesus can be born again in me and in the hundreds of orphans, who - when I think of them - tears well up behind my eyes. How much more can I ask for? How fortunate I am, how fortunate we are! And again, I join God in smiling.